Christina Blog

Author Archives: cjray1977


A picture of depression

Well, tonight I am going to talk to you about depression a deadly but silent disease that  can go  years without being diagnosed.This is my story about how depression has affected my life since I was a teenager.

I first started having depression when I was eleven the year that my mom died.The cold hard truth is that I seriously dont know what or whom actually hurt my mom.I also did not know what to do with those deep depressing and hurtful feeling I was having; or,  if they were normal or not.So, for the longest time I learned how to hide my feelings and depressing thoughts I was having.In addition, I really did not have anyone to turn to  because my dad was not the type of person that felt comfortable talking to me about how I was feeling.

That was the first time that I remember becoming really depressed.At that time I dont think that I really knew what was happening to me; since, this had never happened to me before.I remember being this lost little girl that at the time  did not know who or where to turn for guidance.Not only did I loose my mom at this time I also lost myself.Who was I suppose to turn to now to talk to and ask queations about what was happening to my body,my emotions,and my hopes and  dreams.

As time rolled on and I got older I started noticing that I would cry at the slights thing that upsetted me. I did not really know how to handle it and my dad felt awkward when I cried in front of him; I guess he just did not know what to do.Plus, I felt embarresed because my dad would always act like he was really mad if I cried infront of him.

So I learned how to hide my feelings way deep inside, so far in side that I thought no one would ever find them.But they did not stay in side; in fact, my feels actually came out in a revenge toward everyone and anyone for a very long time.But if you could have been able to see into my emotional thoughts you would have been able to see that depressed little girl that I was back when my mom first died.That lost little girl that did not know where or whom to turn to in order to get help for how she was feeling.I guess that you can only hide your depression and hurt for so long that it will eventully come to the surface. And sometime when it does eventually come out it comes out in a rage.

I would not seek help for my depression until about three years ago when I finially hit bottom.Being abandon by my son’s father; inaddition, shortly after my dad dying really knocked me to my core.I actually ended up at a shelter before my dad died that is when I first started recieving help for my depression and going to some counsoling.But after he died I started going to once a month then to once a week. Now that I have been in  counsoling for over three years and going though a domestic violance class I have finially learned how to manage my depression a lot better.

In fact, I have actually learned how to walk away from an arguement which I used to not be able to do that would cause me to be even more depressed. Although, it is still sometimes heard to walk away from an argurement I have learned that if I do sometimes it is easier to deal with my depression.

So to sum this up what helps me best is to take my meds, try not to stress about everything,and seek help.For me seeking help was starting counsoling and taking a small dosage of depression meds.Remember just because you seek out help for depression does not mean you are week;in fact, it actually means you are braver then you think.


Well, I hope everyone had a great holiday and enjoyed themselves.The reason that I have not been on here for a while is because my home computer went down at home.Thankfully my mother-in-law loaned me one until I am able to buy another laptop.

My plans this year is to blog more and hopefully start making money by blogging by the end of the year.In fact; three blog ideals that I would like to start doing sometime this year which  are generology, work-at-home, and crafting blogs.

The reason that I choose these three topics are because I have a very deep interest in all three of these subjects; in fact, I have been very interested in generalogy for the last three years and have done a lot of research on my  mother side. I have also helped other people with there searches into thier families because I believe that we can all learn from what are ancestores did in their life time and from their mistakes. In the upcoming year I am planning on doing more generalogy in my family and blog about what I am learning;such as,what did work, what did not work for me  and in addition what sites helped me the most in my upcoming seaches into my family.

In addition, to my geneorlogy blog that I want to start this year I also want to start a work-at-home blog; so, that I can be able to help people that are at a disadvantage either by physical, emotional, are some kind of blimmish on there background.I believe their is a lot of at home jobs that a lot of people do not know about that they could be able to do to help their families.In fact, there are a lot of mothers that would like to do both be their for thier families; also, be able to either support or help support their families. Plus, I believe that there will be many companies in the future that will start accomodating more workers that for some reason will need work that they can do from home.

In fact, their are many benifits for working at home both for the employee and the employer; such as,the employee benifites form working at home because their either little to no cost of going to work, no new exspensive work clothes, be able to set your own time to work, could be more productive at home due to anxities that could bother you in public.In addition, as the employer your employee might be able to do better job at what they are doing, don’t have to give the employee a place to work; since they are working at home.And they might not have to pay as many benifits, no over time, and may get a tax break for hiring disadvatange employees.

Finially, I want to start my own crafting blog because I love to make crafts for my family and friends.In addition, I also like to find new ideals and putting a new twist on it, so that it can be my own style. And this year I would like to find a way to start making more wreaths because that is one of my favorite crafting projects that I love to make. Plus, they are so easy to make and their are thousands of ways that you can make wreaths to decorate and make any room or door stand out.

Well I hope if you take the time to read this that you enjoy reading it. Just a little glimps of what I plan on doing this year in crazy jean world.

The ten things that I  like to do in my free time:

  • Blog
  • read books
  • learn how to do new things
  • make wreaths
  • spend time with my family
  • genealogy
  • Pinterest
  • spend time with my dog
  • exercise
  • making crafts

And the reason that I like these ten things are because:

Blogging helps me to have something to do not just something to do but it lets me get all of my emotions and feelings out in the open and blogging is really, really fun to do and you can write about any and everything.All you need to do is to start writing; in additional, the more I write the easier that it gets and the better my writing gets. I honestly did not think when I first started writing that it would be so easy to write but the more I do it the easier that it comes to writing.

Reading books helps me to be able to learn new things; in addition, it helps me to also learn how to do the things that I am doing easier.Not only that reading also gives me a way to escape reality sometimes when all I need is just a long needed break after having a week that has been very stressful .Not only that reading can also get you into a very good mood or really any mood that is.

Learning new things is one thing that I really liked to do because not only do I learn new things I also learn how to improve the things that I really like doing.For instance; I really like making crafts so I have been reading a lot of web posts and blogs about how to make different crafts. I also have been studying different ways to be able to make better blogs, since I want to be a writer or blogger one day that makes good.

Another, thing that I like to do is make wreaths even though  I have not been able to do this here recently because of  my finances being so low here lately.But thankfully within the next few months I am hoping to pick this hobby back up soon. When I make wreaths its gives me an opportunity to create something from scratch and to make it the way that I want it took either good or bad.And plus it helps me to be able to take my mind off of things which helps keep my stress down.

One of my favorite things is spending time with my children and my brother because it never seems like we never get enough time to spend with each other because of the busy life that we live.

Genealogy is also another one of my favorite things to do because it is so interesting to see how are ancestries lived and see what they did before are time.I also like doing genealogy because I can see exactly where my family came from also.

Pinterest is my favorite website to surf because I can learn new and exciting things to do; also I can find ways to improve on the things that I am already doing. It is also a good site to find new ways to make money on; also to see what other people are pinning online and to get in contact with other pinners.

Spending time with my dog Cody is also one of my favorite things to do because he always loves me back more than I could ever love him.Especially; when I am sad or depressed he seems to always know and is always trying to make me fill better.

Another, is that i like to exercise when I am feeling depressed because it seems to make me feel better when I am done exercising and I am hoping eventually I am hoping to lose wait and start looking and feeling better.

Lastly, but not least I like to make other crafts just to see if I will like make them;also, be able to give my friends and family something personal that I have made for them/

Well; this a list of ten things I like to do and why I like to do them.

Yesterday, while I was at my doctor appointment I decided that I would try to write more; so that maybe writing I will be more easier for me.When I first started writing a few months ago I  picked a subject and have stuck with it but I am now deciding that I want to experiment with my writing, so I can see exactly what my  niche in writing is ,so that way I  can get comfortable writing.

I have decided that instead of staying at home all of the time I will get out their and experience life, on a budget that is. You would be amazed of how many cheap or free things that you can find to do.

I have also decided that I will get more involved in genealogy and maybe later start helping other people to trace their ancestry; also.Because where I live there are a lot of people who would like to find out if they are Native American; or not.

I have decided that I will start going back to my Choctaw language class; try to learn the language. Not only learn the language but also blog about my learning experiences.

I have decided that I would start reading more; also check and see if the library or college has any cheap or free things to participate in.

I have decided to learn how to teach an online frugal class and hopefully have one by the end of winter.

I have decided that I will find some kind of way to give back to my community, so how. Not sure exactly how I can do this one but I am sure if I get out and look then I will find someway to do this.

I have decided that I will find a way to make money to support my blogging habit by the end of  next year.

I have decided that I will start making crafts; especially wreaths, jewelry, and scrap booking again and maybe just maybe just start selling them to make a little extra cash so that I can financially support my blogging habits.

I have decided that I will live my life to the fullest.