Well, tonight I am going to talk to you about depression a deadly but silent disease that can go years without being diagnosed.This is my story about how depression has affected my life since I was a teenager.
I first started having depression when I was eleven the year that my mom died.The cold hard truth is that I seriously dont know what or whom actually hurt my mom.I also did not know what to do with those deep depressing and hurtful feeling I was having; or, if they were normal or not.So, for the longest time I learned how to hide my feelings and depressing thoughts I was having.In addition, I really did not have anyone to turn to because my dad was not the type of person that felt comfortable talking to me about how I was feeling.
That was the first time that I remember becoming really depressed.At that time I dont think that I really knew what was happening to me; since, this had never happened to me before.I remember being this lost little girl that at the time did not know who or where to turn for guidance.Not only did I loose my mom at this time I also lost myself.Who was I suppose to turn to now to talk to and ask queations about what was happening to my body,my emotions,and my hopes and dreams.
As time rolled on and I got older I started noticing that I would cry at the slights thing that upsetted me. I did not really know how to handle it and my dad felt awkward when I cried in front of him; I guess he just did not know what to do.Plus, I felt embarresed because my dad would always act like he was really mad if I cried infront of him.
So I learned how to hide my feelings way deep inside, so far in side that I thought no one would ever find them.But they did not stay in side; in fact, my feels actually came out in a revenge toward everyone and anyone for a very long time.But if you could have been able to see into my emotional thoughts you would have been able to see that depressed little girl that I was back when my mom first died.That lost little girl that did not know where or whom to turn to in order to get help for how she was feeling.I guess that you can only hide your depression and hurt for so long that it will eventully come to the surface. And sometime when it does eventually come out it comes out in a rage.
I would not seek help for my depression until about three years ago when I finially hit bottom.Being abandon by my son’s father; inaddition, shortly after my dad dying really knocked me to my core.I actually ended up at a shelter before my dad died that is when I first started recieving help for my depression and going to some counsoling.But after he died I started going to once a month then to once a week. Now that I have been in counsoling for over three years and going though a domestic violance class I have finially learned how to manage my depression a lot better.
In fact, I have actually learned how to walk away from an arguement which I used to not be able to do that would cause me to be even more depressed. Although, it is still sometimes heard to walk away from an argurement I have learned that if I do sometimes it is easier to deal with my depression.
So to sum this up what helps me best is to take my meds, try not to stress about everything,and seek help.For me seeking help was starting counsoling and taking a small dosage of depression meds.Remember just because you seek out help for depression does not mean you are week;in fact, it actually means you are braver then you think.